This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
