I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
