did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
