Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
