some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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