I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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