my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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