I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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