I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You were trust falling into bushes
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
