I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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