Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
