i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
