When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
