Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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