I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
