They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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