I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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