Me too!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
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Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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