It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
