You made me cry and you don't even care
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
