and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
