bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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