hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
