i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize