Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
