More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
