I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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