so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
