Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
