You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
