it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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