Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
