Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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