Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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