Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
