She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am available for nakedness
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
