i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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