oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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