i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I need to calm my uterus...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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