All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think I sprained my soul last night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
