i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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