he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
