Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
