I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
