so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
