I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
