making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
