it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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