The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
