i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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