Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
