Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
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He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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