Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
