Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am available for nakedness
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize