When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
