can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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