and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
