Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
